S.E.X - The taboo word! :P

You know there are some instances in life when you wish you hadn’t witnessed what you just did – situations you suddenly realize you want to run very VERY far away from. Today, I was in one of those :S

And believe you me; there are very few situations that leave me speechless. I mean, I am more than just a talkative person – to the extent that I’ve been suggested by many to take up radio-jockeying and the likes! But you know what struck me like lightening today? When I realized that even Bugs didn’t know what to say – Yeah, that voice in my head! Now THAT, my friends, is a serious issue!

So, now that the intro is done, I’ll come to the main body. Now for some of you (perverts!), your minds might already be reeling towards that three lettered taboo word: S-E-X. Vaise, isn’t it human tendency? That everything we’re told not to do or say, we like doing that, if nothing else, just for the kick of it! And however ‘forward’ our country might have become, sex is one thing that’ll always be looked upon with eyes falling out of their sockets and the vocal cords going mute!

Don’t agree with me? Try this: While taking a stroll in the park with a friend or talking on the phone, just have a conversation about ‘How supremely exciting your last night was’ and just see the expression on that fat little aunty sitting nearby eating bhutta! If not in front of you, or her kitty party ‘gals’ she’s sure to go back and duly report to her dear little hubby, “Yeh aaj kal ke bachcheee! Minti ki ladki kohi dekh lo, kaisi kaisi baatien kar rahi thi neechey!” hahaha!

Anyway, coming back to the point, I’m not one of those shy girls who’d turn red at the mention of you-know-what. I’m pretty free to talk to, or so I thought until a few days ago!

So, a long lost acquaintance pinged me on facebook out of the blue (you know how it always is – screw those four hundred friends on our lists!) and mentioned about her engagement, upon hearing which, (or rather reading which) I was genuinely very happy for her. But nowcomes the tricky part.

6.37pm

XYZ(*Name protected for privacy reasons*): Have you done oral?

BOINGGGGG!!!! It felt like a baseball bat just hit me!

Okay, I’ve always had these e-world versus the personal touch issues. (No, not that personal touch! :\)

But seriously, everything has become so tech-savvy these days that you’d rather log on to facebook and post something on a friend’s wall rather and pick up the phone and call her. More than half the times, you take things all wrong because ‘unluckily’ you don’t know what the other person means by “okay, I gotta go!” It could mean anything from ‘I really do need to go’ to ‘you’re so irritating, I can’t bear you for a second longer’!

But now? Oh no no no no! This very instant, I am thanking the lord for having made this ‘curtain’ of sorts because I have NO words!

Eeewww! What a thing to ask! Does she really want to know that? As I was thinking of an appropriate response (Yes, sometimes the easiest YES/NO questions can be very tricky!) my sister enquires why I have been staring at the computer screen with my jaw dropped! I look at her and her belief that I have, indeed, lost it has been confirmed! I look back at the screen and whoop! I have officially been bombarded with questions as if I’m a ‘personal guide’ on kamasutra.com or some such parallel world of fantasy. I don’t remember exactly how I got away from that conversation.

But, how was I to know that the icing on the cake is going to happen today! So, this person pings me again:

12.47pm

XYZ: I had oral ;D

Now I’m speechless so all that comes out is a ‘great’.

XYZ: You can ask me anything if you want ;)

NOW, I want to run far far away.

But alas! I just fainted! :-\

The Power they have! And how they beat the Crap out of it!

Sometime last week, my facebook status was about how the Indian media thrives on the constant Hindu Vs Muslim angle. A day after the Ayodhya Verdict, a leading newspaper’s headlines were “Two parts to Hindus, One to Muslims”. Reading that boiled my blood. These are people with the best of qualifications and degrees, from the best institutions in the world, with decades of experience in this industry, but they sincerely lack basic common sense. The simple things we are taught back in school. Things like being polite and courteous, saying the right things at the right times, expressing only how much is required. Nope, doesn’t work that way for the Indians! They believe in “Sansani Khez khulaasey!”. Oh yeah! Things as hard hitting as the headlines mentioned above. Its like lighting a cracker slyly and then standing in the corner watching how people react from the sidelines. It’s that sick cheap trick they play. And all that for what? For that one exclusive piece of crap that’ll no longer be their exclusive twenty minutes later!

Last week I was watching an update on the CWG, when a reporter asked this panelist, “Do you think the media is ‘sensationalizing’ all this too much?”

You know what I think? I think these media people live in a world of their own. A world in which they make themselves believe that they’re doing a noble thing by ‘reporting’ real time information to the world – making the masses aware. They feel they’re doing the ‘right’ thing, a service to India. I think they need a reality check big time! They need to look into themselves and ask themselves if they’re actually doing justice to the power they posses – the power of the media. Are they really focusing on the right things? Or are they just contributing to the crap from under the table and making it look all rosy from the top! It’s all a bloody game of TRPs. These shallow thick-headed heartless maniacs.

I watched Peepli Live again recently. And sadly, it is true, that finding Natha meant more to those reporters than that farmer who was found dead in the hole!

Mind you, I am not against the profession. I have a few very close friends who are journalists – and great ones at that. All I’m saying is, these media houses are so busy competing against each other, that they forget their real reason of being in existence. What matters is not the issues at hand, the crude reality the world needs to know. What is important to them is who gets a ‘bite’ first!

I’m sorry to be sounding so harsh, to the point of being rude. I know I might upset more than a few people with this piece. But you know what? I write and it frees me – in every sense of the word. Writing is an outlet of all my emotions – from joy to frustration. And to see these people kill the power of words – kills me from within.

And this, my friends, is what saddens me.

  

The 'Maid' Truths :P

You know, there are lots of times in life when we’re asked about our families. Especially, being Indians, it’s a way of ‘getting to know each other’. So normally, when I’m asked that question, and I’m sure when you’re asked the same, we tend to reply by mentioning our parents, our siblings, sometimes grandparents and what they do. But it so happens, that there is another person, who really isn’t a part of one so-to-speak, but has the potential to absolutely and completely screw your happiness, and in severe cases, that of the entire family’s. And this person is a supreme must in today’s day and age..

WAIT FOR IT..

*Drumroll*

None other than THE MAID SERVANT!!

Or as some pseudo people like to call it – “Domestic Help”.

Now, it doesn’t matter how friendly your mum is with the rest of the world but this one relationship - with the maid - is what all mothers are very very cautious about. A perfect example of a love-hate relationship, it creeps out the women of this world more than they’d admit. From experience I can say, (and I’m no doctor – of any sort) that common symptoms of this illness are stress and sleepless nights, worry and more worry. Not having a maid is one fear that goes far beyond that of cockroaches, lizards and many other such beings.

So, today, I list down some universal truths about our beloved ‘domestic help’:

1.There is absolutely NO concept of a notice period in their profession. Accept it.

2.Every time you give them a holiday, please don’t expect them to be back the day they say they’re going to be back. They’re not. And you know it.

3.Items like ketchup and sugar should be strictly kept out of their reach since they have full potential to treat the former as ‘pyaaz tamatar ka tadka’ and mistake the latter for Salt!

4.DON’T expect them to wash your bathrooms daily. They’ll quit in the month.

5.And, do you REALLY want them to do jhaadu and pocha BOTH in the ENTIRE house every single day? If so, you gotta be kidding! More often than not, the hair is being taken away with a dripping wet mop. And it’s going to go down in history jus that way!

6.They take absolutely no responsibility for burning the milk after putting it to boil and running off to talk to the phone. No. It isn’t their fault!

And lastly,

7. It is their birthright to stand in the balcony and yap with the maid living across. So even if that means you’re doing the work in the kitchen, unka HAQ hai bhai!

But having said that, you’ve just gotta see the expression on your mum’s face when she opens the door and finds the maid standing outside. It’s better than one she’d give her husband after a long day of work.  :P It is truly priceless! And this is what they call ‘relief’ ;D

Sometimes..

Sometimes I close my eyes and think of you

Sometimes you are one of the special few

Sometimes I wish we shared more than we do

Sometimes I feel I’ve bitten more than I can chew

Sometimes you seem so perfect to me

Those times you just set me free

But sometimes completely wrong it seems

During these times I’m not sure what it means

Sometimes too much care you show

And I just tend to go with the flow

But sometimes you just take it slow

As if, with me you want to grow

Sometimes there are words unspoken

Sometimes there are dreams too broken

Sometimes you show that love, that token

From a deep slumber I feel I’m woken

Sometimes there are things you say,

Leaving those few in the grey

You talk about how life went astray

And how you dealt with things your way

Sometimes I feel for you that love,

Pure and beautiful like that white dove,

But sometimes you’re just that good friend

Who God sent to me at one little bend

Sometimes I just miss you so much

Without having a reason as such

Sometimes I try and ask God why,

And all I get is a deep long sigh!

Sometimes there are these questions I have

Sometimes there are these things I want to grasp

Sometimes this uncertainty is killing

On whether I’m just trying hard to make things fit in

Now there is this path we have taken

That has left us both quite shaken

And even today after experiencing the exciting and the bland

I wish I could say I know where we stand..

The COW!

There was a time long ago, when India was known for snake charmers,

Ask anyone about this country, they’d say that and the land of farmers.

But now things have changed, a lot I must say..

No more are there snake charmers, always blocking the way.

With time, the trees went down, now there’re buildings everywhere,

And with that, reigns another being,

The ‘COW’ she is called, Oh! What a scare.

Middle of the road she’ll sit, with her big fat family

And not move an inch, let alone get up and flee!

You come right at them, thinking now they’ll budge,

But all that happens is their tail rising, and the next lot of fresh chocolate fudge!

It seems they mock me all along, having their own little party,

On seeing me so helpless, they have a laugh hearty!

I don’t know what’s their problem, guess they’re stuck with glue,

Every day on the roads, all I get is a sarcastic ‘Moo!’

*Rolling eyes*

Sigh!

The Next Fall

They bumped into each other, probably for the umpteenth time

And even today there was something they were desperately trying to hide

Words went unspoken, feelings unshared

To look into the other’s eyes, now they were so scared.

These eyes were once their homes, those deep pools of passion,

The love and care so evident, they were every problem’s solution!

There was once a time when nothing was left unsaid

There was no room for lies, hurt or even regret

They were often amidst a fight though; opinions poles apart,

But there wasn’t a moment when their love faded, just grew fonder in the heart.

Back then it seemed so pure, more precious than the sun’s rays,

How were they to know, one day they’ll go their separate ways..

Now that it’s over, no more speed dials, messages or calls

All they gotta do is be better prepared for their next fall..

One Last Shot..

You smile, you cry, your life you share

Some things you might hide, but your heart you pretty much bare

Lay them out on the table, for the other person to see

To become a part of your life, to understand and love thee

But sometimes it so happens, that things don’t pan out right

 After a point you feel like you’re fitting a lid too tight

Take a moment and think back, to the day it all started

Thought this is awesome, and forget the times so thwarted

All you can do is try your best, give it one last shot

And then leave it to God, to make it work or not

Ready to let it all go, forget the issues that were

Why did it go so wrong, is all you seem to wonder

You did what you could; you tried your level best

But God had other plans; there lay ahead one more test

It was just a matter of time, you suddenly realize

It’s never been clearer than right now, even through those teary eyes

There was no pretence involved, the emotions never fake

But in the end what matters is what path you finally take..

Change..

You know, sometimes in life some things happen that change you…subconsciously. More often than not, you don’t even realize the change..And one fine day, sitting all by yourself, it hits you. Well, something like that happened with me recently. And it led to a change of mind about a pretty crucial thing, a phase that comes in almost everyone’s life. So the only explanation I can think of maybe is too much conversation! If people around talk, talk and talk more about a certain thing, you perhaps do start thinking about it..as much as you might detest it at first. So I guess that’s what happened. And now, I’m pretty much getting used to it.

Now, I know you guys can kill me for this but I’m not going to reveal WHAT it is that has changed me..but all I can say right now is that..i THINK it is for the good.. yes..I think so..Now all we’ve got to do is wait and watch :) 

Bachpan

The red brick structure, that wise old tree,

I didn’t know the day I walked through those gates, it’d set me free..

The green iron gate that let us in,

Forgiveness it taught, even if we sinned..

That glass of milk we drank daily,

The games we played and slept barely..

Our heads leaning on the lunch table,

While our guardians told us those unbelievable fables.

The curtain-less washroom that smelt of phenyl,

Oh every moment there was worth its while!

The babaji who sold ice cream,

The glint in our eyes every time we beamed!

CBT and Triveni Kala Sangam,

Whenever it was required – that spanking on our bum!

The cricket we played,

The sand castles we made..

A world of our own it was,

They accepted us despite all our flaws..

The love they showered..unconditionally, not expecting anything in return..

How to be good humans, they made us learn.

There are many things I need to thank my parents for..

Lots of things they’ve done for me..

But the most important one for which I’ll be eternally grateful..

Was sending me there..to God’s own country..

A haven He created with his own two hands..

With no place for regret or blame.. Oh, it was a place grand!

Nowhere have I seen such purity, such magic

Where we learnt the art of ‘life’,

Got the strength to face things tragic..

Angels of God they were, for the service they did,

Turned us into fine young people, from those pesky little kids!

They’ll never realize how much they’ve done for us,

Everything from values and principles to operating the flush!

How I cried on my last day there,

Thought the best was over, that life wasn’t fair,

A feeling of being lost, not knowing what lay ahead..

Wished I could give up everything, and be back there instead..

But the patience they had showed and treated us like their own..

Today, I feel it in my every bone!

They say think of your parents when you’re in a fix, when there’s a worry

 I close my eyes, think of them and Saraswati Puri!

If God says to me, “Tomorrow you’ll die..What’s your last wish?”

I’ll take him to that wise old tree and say ‘bury me under this’..