His Guiding Light :)

I sit in my car and the music plays

It gives me hope and a dream to chase..

Just for one moment, I close my eyes,

I breathe a deep breath and just feel life..

I think of each person who is a part of me

People who keep me grounded, my friends and family.

Yes, I’ve made my mistakes, some big some small,

And there have been times when I’ve a had a fall..

I have been wounded and I have been hurt

But with time, it healed and I rose from the dirt..

There are still some that make my eyes wet,

But I will overcome them too; I am determined – all set.

A hundred reasons to be angry and upset I could find,

But I’ll just thank the lord for what I’ve got and follow his guiding light.

Tu na jaane aas paas hai khuda.. Amen :)

Your thoughts linger...

I sit still as a tornado passes through me..

Even the soft music in the background doesn’t set me free..

It has happened pretty much every day since that night

When you asked me that one question, if I’d read what you write..

How was I to know what it’ll do to me, how was I to know it’ll all lead to this..

That even in this pain, there’ll be a certain bliss..

This feeling I feel today, if you could just know..

I can see you in the rains, and the wind that caresses my face.

I can see you in the green grass, the flowers and the sun’s rays..

You look so perfect, so serene

Still untouched by the world, so pure, so clean..

Only if you could see you.. through my eyes..

You make me feel like a bird gliding through the skies..

I throw a stone in the lake and the ripples tease me

What causes such restlessness they enquire

How do I tell them, it’s you causing the chaos, the fire..

It’s you who’s giving me those goosebumps

It’s your name that sends the shivers down my spine..

And on the outside I must portray that everything’s fine..

It’s your eyes I want to keep looking into forever..

It’s your smile I want to see and not let it fade ever..

You’re the reason I can’t sleep at night..

You’re the one who’s one message makes my day bright..

You’re the one I dream off every single moment

Oh! I’m sure you’re the one, a hundred percent..

My day becomes better just thinking of you,

How I wish to God that all your dreams come true..

As soon as I think I have a moment’s peace

Your face pops in front of me like the refreshing morning breeze

I am intrigued every time I see the world through your eyes..

The things you show me, there’s no space for pretence or lies..

Your words are like a sweet symphony to my ears

Before I know it, loosing you is one of biggest fears..

Your thoughts linger on for just a moment longer..

And that’s when the feeling about us gets even stronger..

Too Many Sunsets..

I watched the waves crashing into the sand

As if desperately searching for an answer grand..

'Sat there often - the wind on my face,

trying to figure out what it is I'm trying to chase..

Seen too many sunsets, and many-a-moonrise

Wondering whether God really does make these ties..

"Will he ever feel for me?" I asked Him today,

And pat came His reply, "If heaven has its way"

I felt him take my hand, his fingers slid through mine,

And that moment I just knew.. that it'll all be fine..

Daddy Woes? Naaah..Daddy Wows! :D

1. The day your dad sits next to you while you drive and doesn’t say ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING???’ – That day you and he both will have the realization that your driving has improved.

2. The day your dad specially calls you to his cabin during lunch just to tell you that he’s impressed by the jalaa hua rotis you’ve made, the grin on his red face will make your day :P

3. The day your dad gets up and goes to the kitchen to ‘whip up’ something for himself, he is VERY hungry! ;)

4. The day he says, ’let me do it’, he’s either feeling guilty that he doesn’t help around the house too much, or is too in love with you!

5. The day your dad DOESN’T have the TV on while doing other things simultaneously, please touch his forehead and see if everything is okay..

6. When he wants something to eat or drink, he’ll always have an indirect way of telling you – something like, “Bhelpuri khaoge?”

7. If he actually comes up to you, rather than calling you to him, (for anything) you have reason enough to be scared.

8. The day he starts finding small things like the nail cutter, the remote, the house keys himself rather than asking you to do it, either he’s very pissed with you or he thinks you’re not home.

9. The day he actually ‘makes a conversation’ with the maid, please take it that he’s ‘contributing’ to the house :P

10. The day he asks the kids to “get their homework to him”, he’s definitely got a jhaad from his wife for NEVER EVER bothering with anything except his work and cricket.

11. The only time he will actually ‘enter’ your room to wake you up is when and if he’s crossing your room. Otherwise, you can keep hearing the wake up calls from his room (whenever he does remember that you’re still sleeping) and you can keep replying with ‘Hmmm..’.

12. On a holiday, if the TV isn’t on when your dad is home, be rest assured that he’s sleeping.

13. The day he initiates a conversation about your marriage, either he’s very worried, or he’s very worried. Either way, please run away…as far as you can..

;)

The 4AM Thoughts...

I was sleeping like a log when I woke up with a start,

Felt like a drum beating, Oh! It was just my heart.

I wondered why it happened these days,

Love I tell you.. has its own ways..

You can’t hide it, you can’t lie,

It’ll show somehow or the other, as much as you try..

I lay awake in bed, thinking about you,

What you had done to me, I had no clue!

It was 4am when yet again I realized

That you to me, are the most prized..

Expectations..are a mean mean thing!

I’ve been thinking..yet again! :/ yes!

So, why do we expect? I know there are lots of you who would say, I don’t have any expectations. I have stopped expecting. But isn’t that just a by-product of being hurt? All of us have been hurt and with time, we like to ‘believe’ that we have learnt our lessons. The truth really is, that we are just a little less fun, a little more serious, and in pseudo terminology we like to call it ‘experience’.

I, and here I don’t talk only for myself – there are more out there, have been hurt many-a-times. I guess we are our own enemies. We want the entire world, all of it – the perfect career, the perfect soul mate, the perfect life, and we dream and dream and dream some more about it.  Don’t we know it is never going to happen? Don’t we know it is all just a farce?

Every new chapter in life starts with an old one closing. And though we say it is ‘closed’, is it really? Again, I talk for myself, and a few of those I know – we make constant comparisons between the ‘was’ and the ‘is’. We surround ourselves by new ‘What-ifs’ every single day. We fight with our hearts and minds all the bloody time! And we say we’ve moved on? Doesn’t moving on mean learning from your mistakes? Then why, oh why do we repeat them again and again? And I’m not talking about how much better ‘this’ guy is from the earlier one. I’m talking about the hurt. The hurt, the pain we give ourselves – intentionally.

All because of these idiotic expectations. Whether we like it or not, whether we want it or not – we do expect. All the time. And what do we get out of that? Just another session of ‘self-realization’ and a lesson learnt, or sometimes not!

Over and over and over again we have mastered the art of hurting ourselves. It’s like finding sadistic pleasure! Be it a mom telling the kids again and again to ‘sudhro’ or our dumb hearts going bonkers over people so unattainable, its not even funny!

I don’t know, I am just blurting out pretty much what I’m thinking. This isn’t a well-scripted thing, or a carefully thought-out one. But I’m just irritated. With myself, and with the director of this play called ‘My Life’. I don’t WANT to be ‘experienced’. I don’t WANT any ‘self-realization’. I don’t WANT these lessons to be learnt. I don’t WANT all this constant juggling of my heart.

I’m just a normal girl, and I just want a normal life..

Is that too much to ask for…?