Today..

There are some days when you’re down and out, at your lowest point emotionally and you just don’t know how to deal with it; but, there also those rare occasions, once in a while, when you are SO happy you don’t know how to deal with it! Today, it’s one of those days for me – the latter type! :P

These days I have been going through this phase of ‘Just-flow-with-life’. I have a set routine which I follow, bored with the monotony. And today started off just like that. I came to work, had a list of things to work on. THEN, halfway through the day – I freaked out! In a good way :P You know the feeling one gets when he/she gets through the first round of Indian Idol auditions or like, when all your friends have some or the other excuse to not meet you and then suddenly all of them turn up together to surprise you? :P ya ya! I have had that feeling too – the latter one :D

So basically, today started off quite lamely, if that’s even a word. And then I got this beautiful surprise that I had never even remotely thought of! Vaise toh, I’m myself a big one on giving surprises to people but I’m also quite blonde when people do things for me ;) Like, someone might be planning something for me right under my nose and I wouldn’t realize! But, today was different! And, what happened today made me realize exactly how much I am valued by some :D. Maybe not actually! I am still numb, so I can’t really imagine..

Its true – it takes a small gesture to make someone’s day. And, I hadn’t really recovered from one thing when a second was thrown at me.

These weren’t big things at all, but you know what I liked best? They were both intangible. It wasn’t anything you could touch or see. It was just a few words – through which I could feel a sense of magic. A bond that was taken to the next level. A level that has enriched a few relationships by a hundred fold! A connection that will never ever EVER fade. I believe in it. Today is a day of realizations. Today is a day of overwhelming emotions. Today is a day I want to cherish forever! Today is a happy day!

And today, all I can say is..

Its only words,

And words are all I have

To take your heart away…

A God sent tear..

She sat there, at the window. The breeze caressing her face lightly. She felt the calm, the silence – it spoke to her sometimes. It told her stories of the past – like a doting grandparent. Played them like a movie in front of her eyes. And every time she listened and watched intently mesmerized by her own life.

She had always been the curious sort. And impatient. Always wanted answers for everything. It seemed that she liked quizzing herself, challenging herself to hit the bull’s eye. But today was different. And today’s question wasn’t an ordinary one. She had pondered over it for the last 192 days, 13 hours and 18 minutes. That’s roughly a little more than 165,679,023 seconds. And, she was STILL confused.

She believed in God, had faith in Him and His powers. Some times. She never understood why He would make a person ‘go through’ pain to get some sort of ‘learning’ out of it. She never understood WHY life was just a vicious cycle of pain and learning. Today again she was stuck. Trying desperately like a helpless frog to jump out of the well. Confused by conflicting views and opinions. On the one hand, people said, some experiences are just so you learn. They come and go. On the other hand, it is said that if you want something really bad – you get it no matter what. You might have to wait an entire lifetime, but in the end, you’ll have it. She wished someone could tell her which logic applied to her. She needed some direction, a guiding hand in the darkness. Should she wait? Should she hope? They said hope is what kept the world going. But was there any point of all this? Today she could feel her faith loosen..

If God created everything and had all the answers, couldn’t He just let her know how her story ended? At least that way she wouldn’t have to keep waiting endlessly. No amount of pleading mattered anymore. She was tired. Of waiting for an answer. Helpless.
What was NOT different today was that; like every other day - all she had was a God sent tear...

Who I am doesn't matter

If you look around yourself today, what do you see?

What I see is a life moving SO fast that we seem to have lost control of it. Everybody is busy – with day to day life, work, entertainment, socializing, traveling, and after that, if there is any time left in the day – then some rest. No one has the time to stop. And think.

Who I am doesn’t matter. If there is one thing that DOES matter, it is that I come from the Millennium City – Gurgaon. And LIFE…moves so fast here, that you don’t realize when you pass out of school, get into college, graduate from college, get a job, quit that job and move into the next one.

Opportunities, achievements, success – that’s how people measure you, your life. That’s how YOU measure your own life. And why do we need all this? For a secure future, a comfortable lifestyle. We are supposed to be ‘focused’, set goals; work hard to ‘get there’. But amidst all this, do we stop and REFLECT?

If there is ONE thing in the world most people want, it is to be ‘Rich, Thin and Happy’. Everyone wants to live ‘comfortably’. Have ENOUGH. Really? How comfortable IS comfortable? How happy is happy after all? WHEN is it ‘enough’? Is there a way of measuring that?

When do we get to know that it is time to stop? To stop working our butts off. To RELAX. We are always running. Running to reach office in time, running to reach the meeting in time, running to buy flowers for our lady love! Running to go to the LOO!

We try our best – to take control. Yes, I say we try, because otherwise, marriages wouldn’t be falling apart, kids wouldn’t be getting out of hand, and students wouldn’t be committing suicide over school and college results. Pressure, Pressure, Pressure!

I ask you today – when was the last time you ENJOYED? Even I need to think. It takes a few moments, and I say – when I was a kid. It’s a shame – most of us last ENJOYED when we were kids – and that was a LONG time ago…

Many people have a desire – to be remembered in a certain way after they’re gone. Some want to be the good friend, philosopher and guide. Some, the good relative – a good father, brother, son. Some want to be remembered with WHAT they did – a noble man. A great citizen of the country. A great contributor, a visionary. I, and again I say, my name doesn’t matter – want to be remembered as one ‘who enjoyed’…

India is a PHUNNEE place I tell you! :)

Recently, at a so-to-speak family reunion, an interesting conversation took place. Sitting in the Drawing Room face-to-face wondering what to talk about, guess who came up with the topic :P
*TAKING A BOW* ;D

Well, Bugs (The voice in my head, remember?) has always found names very fascinating. Different types of names people keep in different corners of the globe. But, that day, Bugs felt like doing a bit of deep digging right here at home – Sadda India! :D

So, Bugs’ words in my voice:
(Please note that I am nowhere in the conversation ;D)

BUGS: It’s so funny sometimes, how people keep their children’s names. I mean like, don’t they THINK? (Please don’t take offence, Bugs gets a little..umm..bhaawuk at times :P)

RELATIVE 1: (No names to protect identity ;)) Yeah, it’s pretty funny. (This relative is a teacher) When I take attendance in class, I say “Taranpreet” expecting one of the boys to react, and there – a girl’s hand shoots up in the air!

BUGS: These names toh I anyway don’t understand. Matlab SERIOUSLY, World mein naam khatam ho gaye they kya?? Damapreet, Taranpreet, Gyandeep! All these Preets and Geets and Meets! It’s SO confusing!! You just can’t tell whether it’s a guy or a girl! It’s like match the following:
TARAN DEEP
DAMAN PREET
CHAMAN MEET
And there’s never a wrong answer!

RELATIVE 2 (Who happens to be wedded to my father): Yeah, Sikhs don’t discriminate among genders naa!! That’s why!

BUGS: Yeah, Mom! I believe you! *Rolling eyes*

RELATIVE 1: Oh! There is one kid, called KHUNKHAAR SINGH! Really! At first I thought everybody teased him with that name, but then his partner told me, “Ma’am, register mein dekho – yehi hai uska naam!”
*BUGS FAINTS*

RELATIVE 2: Oh my God! Parents sochte nahi hain kya!! KHUNKHAAR SINGH?? Hey bhagwaan!
Hearing the name again revives the little devil. Bugs can’t afford to miss another second of this conversation.
BUGS: Punjab is funny! *Gets a slap from me* every second person is either Baby or Chimpu Or Babbu or Guddu! And mind you, it’s again sex-no-bar! In my “Punjab Gang” there are 2 Ravi’s – one male one female. There are two Manu’s – one 23 years old, and one I don’t know how old. There are two Cherry’s – one in final year college and one – an aunty. I mean, HOW in the world is one poor brain supposed to know who is being talked about in which context!! Now THAT’S something!!
*I think to myself: Hey, Bugs is making sense for the first time ever..”
On a serious note (Just kidding), A few people who are somehow faintly acquainted with me are as follows:
There is a gentleman called GAURI whose brother’s name is KALI whose wife’s name is RAVI.
There is another gentleman whose name is Daisy whose cousin is BABY who is a lady.
There is a young lady called GUDDU and so is their local dhobi.
There is one more gentleman, who would actually kill me if he read this – his name turns out to be LUCY.
And, there is ANOTHER gentleman whose name is MADHUBALA! And I SWEAR to God, I’m NOT joking!
*Back to the present*

RELATIVE 3 pipes in there was this Scientist who named his children Electron and Proton!
ZOINK.

RELATIVE 1 (gets up to go to the kitchen) : Oh, ek ladka hai meri class mein – uska naam DIAMOND hai!

*Returns with a tray full of Mixed fruit juice* and everyone is on the floor, laughing like madmen…and women ;)!

India is a phunnee place I tell you! :)

I don't know what to call this..

There was a time not very long ago, when you were my life…
You were all I could see; I thought maybe one day I’ll be your wife.
You filled my life with joys and took away my sorrows.
You promised me you’ll stand by my side, today and tomorrow..
I couldn’t believe I had found someone so wonderful and caring.
I just wish you had been a wee bit more daring.

People say nobody is perfect. Oh yes! You definitely were.
Sometimes it seems like it was yesterday, and sometimes – such a blur.
I dreamt of you in every little dream, I dreamt of us till the end of time.
I wonder why the society just didn’t understand - is being in love such a crime?
We had our own little secret world then; Oh! It was real bliss!
Before you, I never knew what love was; now I know exactly what it is,

That smile on your face and glint in your eyes - then; they were so real..
Today you look at me with a hollow expression, and I can’t believe there’s nothing you feel.
I hoped to spend every waking moment with you,
You were the last person I wanted to wish goodnight, and the first I wanted to say good morning to

Now I look at you and I am at a loss of words; I can’t recognize this person
Are you the same being, who once wanted to spend all seven lives with me, and not just one?
I search your eyes to look for my life, my heart, my soul..
But your vacant expression leaves me numb, chills me to the core..

I still can’t believe such a relationship has come to an end..
People are telling me, the road is long and this is just a bend.
I don’t know what to say to them, how to show them what we used to be,
Maybe then they’ll know the bond we shared – was nothing but pure divinity.

There was a time not very long ago, when you were my life…
And I remember that moment all too well, when you asked me to be your wife…

The day even Shania Twain didn't help..

The music was playing, but she wasn’t listening. That didn’t happen too often, in fact it had never happened before. Music had always been a major part of her life. She seemed to connect with it in every mood. She always somehow discovered that one song that she felt was just meant for her.
Another reason that probably strengthened this affair with music was that she had always been a hopeless romantic. She still couldn’t figure out whether that was a good thing or not. But today, even Shania Twain couldn’t calm her senses.

It was seven years ago - sometimes it felt like another life, sometimes like it happened just yesterday. He had been pursuing her for over two years before she relented. She had never been in a relationship earlier, and her naïve innocent mind was too scared and insecure to have said yes any sooner. She was just overwhelmed at the fact that someone could do so much for her, give her so much, love her so much. She thought she loved him too. Maybe she did – for a while. Five years later, having gone through many many changes, some together, some separately – they were standing looking at each other with hurt, anger and frustration.

He had always loved her, it was more like obsession. But, she was more of the practical sort. Her future had always worried her. Especially with him. Now she felt, he was had always been like a child, not taking the important things seriously enough.

Even today she remembers that day clearly, when she first said it to herself – “This can’t go on. I need to break up with him”. She again went into that contemplating mode - weighing her options. And with every passing moment, her belief became stronger, her goal clearer. Whatever it was, wherever she was meant to be, it wasn’t with him. She had started feeling claustrophobic. She NEEDED to do this - for her own well being.

And she did. She had known it will be tough, but this tough – she hadn't the slightest clue. Suddenly, the entire world saw her as mean and selfish - even her closest friends. She felt a huge sense of guilt, trying to convince those who were once hers – that this wasn’t fully her fault. That she HAD to do this. Amidst all the fun and frolic she felt alone, betrayed by her own.

She missed him sometimes. Actually, she missed the feeling of being with someone rather than anything else. She felt a little less burdened for sure now. Under all that mess, she felt free – to do what she wanted, the way she wanted to.

That was seven long years ago - sometimes it felt like another life, sometimes like it happened just yesterday…

A perfectly normal Tuesday Morning

On a perfectly normal Tuesday morning, you wake up, mentally preparing yourself for four long days of work before the weekend, do the same things you do every day – bathe, get ready, have breakfast, leave half the milk /tea /coffee you are drinking because you are getting late, find the keys of the house /the car, forget something crucial, run back home, take whatever you’ve left behind and run off again.

Then, another series of inevitable events takes place – you check your watch and realize you will be late for your meeting, you have to get fuel on the way, the AC of your vehicle isn’t working, and in a worst case scenario – you have a flat tire. The new shoes you are wearing hurt your foot, you are having a bad hair day, you are making a mental note of all that you have to do after work – eggs need to be bought for breakfast tomorrow, you have to collect the clothes given for dry-cleaning, your wrist watch needs a new strap and your lens solution is over.

Half an hour in traffic, having cursed the motorcyclists, truck drivers and the unfortunate Maruti 800 that just refused to budge - you reach office, jump out and run into the building when you realize you have forgotten your lunch in the car. And then a mile long trip to the piping hot parking lot – grab your lunch and run back, hollering for the guys entering the lift to hold it for you. 30 seconds of impatience, and 10 faces crammed in a 1’x 1’ space, staring at the screen showing the floor you have reached. Trying to balance your laptop, purse and lunch bag you squeeze yourself out of the lift full of round paan eating government officials and reach your desk, throw all the stuff wherever you can and straighten yourself out. The routine ‘Good Mornings’ and ‘Hellos’ follow. You pull out the laptop and log onto facebook, THEN open your official mail, sign into gtalk, and NOW you’re all set…

…to BEGIN the day!

Why is it..

Some Whys in my perennially overactive brain...

Why is it that chocolate, ice cream and paranthas are not health food?
Why is it that we feel sleepier after having overslept?
Why is it that as soon as we start settling down in college, it finishes?
Why is it that it is always the woman has to change her name and go to the man’s house after marriage?
Why is it that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer all the time?
Why is it that the Death Toll in India is just a mere number and no one takes it seriously?
Why is it that people are extra focused on one aspect of their life, but just don’t care about the rest?
Why is it that people change?
Why is it that that they can rarely see what is going wrong with their life?
Why is it that whenever there is a mishap of some kind, there is always someone making a video instead of helping them out?
Why is it that film stars get surgeries done to impress the world and be accepted onscreen, and forget that they have to live with THEMSELVES forever, and after 10 years their noses will crumble into their hand?
Why is it we always realize the importance of someone only after they’re gone?
Why is it that everything in life is just a phase?
Why is it that Birbal was as intelligent as he was?
Why is it that people sometimes just stop making the effort?
Why is it that people never talk sense when they are angry?
Why is it that our generation is so restless and impatient?
Why is it that we are never satisfied with how much we have?
Why is it that our brains think 500 different things at the same time all the time?
Why is it that there is no sound when our heart breaks?
Why is it that the heart breaks at all?
Why is it that the “Healing” process is always the slowest one?
Why is it that there are no good indoor badminton courts in Gurgaon?
Why is it that there is ALWAYS a communication gap between two generations?
Why is it that there are so many family disputes over property after the eldest person passes away?
Why is it that people die?
Why is it that relationships hurt?
Why is it that when we are working or studying time crawls and when we are having fun, it flies?
Why is it that Nature soothes us and the heavy city traffic doesn't?
Why is it that everyone is always trying to portray that everything is okay?
Why is it that people drift apart?
Why is it that nothing is permanent?
Why is it that people grow fat?

Why is it that we can never just BE OKAY WITH everything?

Why is it that we always want answers for everything….?