Who is GOD?

Since my school days, I have always wondered who God is? How does he exist? In what form? How does he control this entire world? How does he keep a tab on ALL the people in this world? How he can divide his attention among all of us? I have never been a die-hard believer in God, I dont pray everyday or visit the temple very often but I do believe that there is SOME power up there that exists and makes things happen. I dont believe in the stories people share about seeing God or experiencing miracles - because I have never seen one myself and Im more of a "seeing is believing" person - So..

But I do remember that supernatural power we call God in times of joy as well as sorrow - and more often than not, to pray for not myself but for my loved ones - family and friends. My prayer sometimes go out to the world at large - I pray and hope for peace, a terror-less environment without crime. Very rarely do i pray for myself. People say thats because I dont love myself. Im not a priority for myself and I spend too much time in thinking about others and doing things for them - going out of my way without thinking of what im getting in return - if im getting something in return at all or not. Since my years in school up until now - I have experienced various emotions, friendships, experiences - call it what you want. And I cant say Ive learnt something from all of them. I have repeated mistakes over and over again - and at times like these I wonder - Why? If there IS a God up there - and he IS watching everything - why is it that im getting hurt over and over again? I wont lie about it - I do wonder WHY ME? ButI never seem to get an answer - Obviously, Ive heard that God has peculiar ways of making you realise something - Im waiting for the day when I have learnt that lesson - because Im tired of being hurt - of not learning and repeating the same mistakes again and again.

I know change is the only constant. But I wish there was ONE day when I could just BE! Just be ME! Without any problems, without any roller coasters - with solutions to everything - but I guess, thats where Im hoping for too much - How unrealistic is that! Sometimes I feel like Im the latest video game in town n God is having a jolly good time handling the controls!

I guess after ALL these years, ALL these experiences, and ALL these lessons, I can SAY that what I HAVE learnt is that for me God is my belief - my belief in LIFE, my belief in my VALUES, my belief in MY family, my belief in my friends and my belief in all the positives I have experienced! God is IN us! God is What we believe! God is the one who has the controls but, he really has left it to us to play our own game!

God is life and God is Death, God is love and God is hatred, God is joy and God is Sorrow, God is You and God is Me. God is Mother Teresa AS WELL AS Osama Bin Laden! Because - there are two sides of every coin - and each side has its own story to tell...