The Dark Sky..

I look through my window and see you standing there.

With a calm expression on your face, at the full moon you stare.

I look at you, and then the dark sky,

We aren’t together, even the stars are wondering why..

What do I tell them and the wind that whispers to me,

I feel so captivated and yet strangely so free..

I close my eyes and take a deep breath; I don’t know what to say

Oh Please, like the rest, hope you don’t walk away..

I look strong from outside, always in control,

But, on the inside, there’s nothing but a tender loving soul.

I hope to God that one day, you look this side,

Because I promise you I’ll be standing there, with my arms open wide..

I don’t know where you’ve come from; I don’t know where you want to go,

But, at least return my heart to me, that you’ve taken along the road..

Being Woman...

Sometimes I wonder why this society is the way it is..

I know every society, every country has its goods and bads, positives and negatives; and that is perfectly okay. Evolution is a slow process and I understand that. But there are a few specific things that I personally have an issue with – especially in the Indian scenario.

One thing I just cannot stand, and you could call me whatever you want for that, is gender inequality. In school, I hated this subject – Anything about it. I never understood it and I never bothered to. But now when I come to think of it, I feel so passionately about it, it’s not even funny.

It is sad when I think that these issues are an eminent part of our very own families. And even if I talk just for myself, I would have to admit that even in my own extended family there are a few people who still prefer the male child over the female. And I hate that. It’s not because I am a woman. And it’s definitely not because I have something against the male population of this world. I don’t. What I have an issue with, is the thinking.

Why do people feel that daughters aren’t good enough? Why do they feel that they can’t be as good as the men? Why do they feel that women won’t be supportive towards the elderly after their marriages? And WHY do they feel that women are a BURDEN?

Maybe I am over-reacting. I come from a family background that is VERY open-minded. I have a younger sister and our parents, I know for a fact, are proud of having two daughters. And I respect them for that. That could be the reason for my feeling like this towards ‘the world’. I have never been taught that men are better in any way. I have NEVER been given this feeling that I am NOT capable of something. But I know people who have. And it hurts me. I hurts me to see them breaking and crumbling under the burden of being a woman. I see them trying desperately to cope with this ‘issue’ and I hate it.

Today, I stand here, proud that I was born a woman, and I ask you – What is the problem in being woman? Do we become lesser mortals just because we have the boon of producing life? What is it that women can’t do better than men? On one hand, we pray to Goddess Durga, Kali and the likes, and on the other hand, we don’t want baby girls in our families. What hypocrites we are!

And again I repeat this isn’t a man vs woman, Mars vs Venus fight. It’s just about the thinking..

It’s just about the thinking..

A Kodak Moment Day! Yes, the entire day! :)

Yeah, so you know me! On days like these toh I have to write only na. A few friends are totally expecting this. I mean, they asked me, "So, isn't Bugs going to write anything today?". Hmm. Yes I told them. But today, I think I'll do the writing myself :) Come on yaar! :) Today was my day na ;) Okay, so, frankly, over the past two weeks I was pretty disappointed at the way things were panning out for my birthday. Almost all of my friends had some or the other unavoidable plans. And yes, this time, I know I wasn't in for any surprises. Come 21st night, and ONE out of a mere 12 invitees actually came. Not that I am complaining! :P Even though the fool just slept off and only woke up after smelling the cake ;) But, I love her to death for making the effort :) Thank you Vani :D

But it was actually the 8.23am today morning when the real fun began. I always knew that this one girl would do ANYTHING for me. But its always overwhelming to see the belief become stronger. Today was doubly special for this one reason. And I know I can't say or do enough for her, and I can NEVER find words befitting enough for her, but what she did for me today, I don't think many people would! Coming from a 5am flight (which is her job by the way!) sleeping for not even 2 hours and rushing to make MY day special - insisting on baking a cake for me (in my kitchen ;)), taking a power nap till we organize the ingredients!, make the icing all alone while we go crazy singing idiotic bollywood songs, juggling between a jam packed photography session right in the middle of the kitchen and the heat - really ISN'T easy. 

And there's a lot more she did. But my basic point is, today like many days gone by, I stand reassured that this angel is one of MOST treasured gifts I have ever got! And I know this because even though we might not like a few things about each other, we breathe the same breath, we feel the same concern for each other and we would sacrifice ANYTHING for one smile on each other's faces. I don't know.. It took me ten minutes to write this one sentence! And that's only because it is just so bloody difficult to put in words what she means to me. And what she has done for me today. Rashi Joshi is a part of me that will never ever EVER fade. She is my life and I don't need to say that I will do absolutely ANYTHING to keep that smile on her face every single moment for ever and after that! 

Ipshita Kaul and Ekta Jain I don't know what would I have done without! They are pure gems! The way they say in those old classic hindi movies "Hira hai hira!". True that! For them! Today wouldn't have been as special without them! 

Uditi Agarwal has been in my life for just too long for me to say anything :) she is just awesome. And, I love her! (Duhh!) :* Hugs to you. For just being there. Period. 

And now, pretty much the grand finale, and the reason I am actually sitting up so late and writing this tonight, this one gorgeous girl, Ankita Kanwar, who rocked my heart 10 years ago! And has been doing so ever since! She is one person who has the ability to bring out the zillions of emotions present inside me, and she doesn't even know it yet. I know how she thinks, and I know that right this minute, she'd be thinking I've gone nuts and none of this is true. But she has had this problem for a long long time - underestimating herself! And she loves doing it! But, I'll tell you some truths about this idiot! She loves me, and just doesn't know how to say it. And you could ask me how can I be so sure, and I'll tell you that today, she called me, and I felt it in her voice. And I know I have gone wrong in relationships many-a-times, but this is one human being I was bang on about. She might say or do, or rather, not say and not do much, but the heart that beats inside her has a part of me. 

I remember a conversation we had almost 5 years ago, and I can't guarantee that she would recall it. But we were talking about sustaining relationships and she said, "Tanee, don't expect me to be there for ever." I never told her, but that night I was deeply hurt. Today, she sits more than a few hundred kilometers away from me and I know she was wrong. I know I can't see her everyday anymore, and can't hear her laughter so often, but I think i can feel that heart beating, and I think it misses me. Maybe even she doesn't know it yet, but she is going to be in my life even after I'm not. Yes its true. 

So tonight, I thank this lord above me, for making me who I am so that I could deserve such angels in my life. 

And, my eyes haven't been wetter in a long long time..

Pakode aur Chai :D

For as long as I can remember, the first thing any Indian would think of, when he/she hears the words ‘rains’ or ‘monsoons’ – is ‘Pakode aur Chai’. Yes, although in the recent times ‘Potholes’ have become pretty symbolic too, ‘Pakode and Chai’, like many other traditions in India, have been passed down from one generation to another. Come rains, and wives all over the place would be organizing these ‘pakvaans’. Family members of all age groups – the kids, the husbands and the grandparents would wait impatiently after having said “Pushpaaa/Maa/Bahuuu, iss mausam mein chai aur pakode hon toh mazaa hi aa jaaye”. And so, the poor lady of the house starts finding that godforsaken packet of besan and the chai ki patti.

And as usual, Bugs got thinking (Yeah! The same stupid voice in my head!) – not about the calories, but the fact that maybe this wasn’t really a done thing anymore. He asked me, when was the last time I had pakodas? And believe me, I just could NOT remember! It must have been at a party that had a chaat pakodi theme or something.  So I figured this was one of those times when you see trends changing. I think if it were pouring heavily today, people would probably prefer a chocolate brownie or waffles with maple syrup with a hot cappuccino rather than the good old Pakode and chai! And no, it isn’t about being health conscious! I don’t think the calories matter as much, since the latter is more definitely more fattening than the oil soaked pakode. But I guess over time, tastes have evolved.

Then again, if we’re talking desi versus firang - isn’t Neal Caffery hotter than John Abraham anyway? ;D

My True Best Friend..

So, I’ve been thinking. As usual..

Generally, on one of my ‘low’ days, when I don’t feel like talking to anyone, all I want to do is blame everyone for whatever’s not going right. So, I had a few expectations, which according to me weren’t too demanding, but, yeah, it doesn’t really seem like they’re going to be met with. So, I’m cranky and irritable and feel like screaming.

A friend says, I have never seen you like this! Come on, be your normal self again! I say, everyday can’t be rosy and merry and funny na! And since it can’t, and if she is a true friend, she can for once, take the brunt and get a feeler of my ‘other’ side. And she does. She hears me rant, be sarcastic and rude for twenty minutes, with a few ‘trying-to-explain-its-not-like-that’ statements here and there. It does help, a little.

But then, back to square one. The anger and irritation set in again. And Oh yes! I’m pissed off. So I open up a word document and start typing. Now how does THAT help? Well, for one, it is just a white piece of blank-ness. So essentially, it is very inviting. Secondly, it just stands there waiting for me to pour out everything I can’t tell someone – everything they won’t understand. The good part about this medium is that it doesn’t HAVE to understand. It just has to listen – patiently. And that is does. So I write. And it soothes me. It calms me. And I can feel the anger slipping away.

Now, I don’t know if I am what you call a ‘good’ writer. I don’t know if I even make sense half the time and I’m not sure if people relate to what I pen down. I also don’t know if they’re even interested in what I have to offer. But one thing I do know is that, it heals me. It gives me what no friend can give me. It gives me the ability to find a solution within myself.

This pen and paper – is my true best friend.

Pe Pe Pepein - The Much Awaited Wedding Bells :P

This world is a strange place. And in this strange place, everyone has his/her own quirks, - crazy thoughts, beliefs and rituals, weird ways of looking at things – sometimes very subtle, sometimes totally over the top! In this mad, sometimes fascinating, sometimes exasperating world, one thing that has ALWAYS intrigued me is the ‘Big Fat Indian Wedding’. You might call me nuts, and you might find this looney, but the more I attend Indian ‘functions’; the more my beliefs get strengthened. And, I’m glad to tell you that I’m not alone in this. My eternal soul mate, my humsafar – “Bugs” (The voice in my head) agrees with me a hundred percent on this! :P

Being fully aware of the fact that the ONE dream Indian girls have, I guess, since the day they are born, is their wedding day. The day they get to look THE prettiest. The day all eyes are on them. THEIR day!

At the risk of being killed by many after they read this, I’d like to report that this entire concept goes way over my head. Those who know me are sometimes in doubt about whether I am normal, trying to find SOME miniscule specs of feminism in me :P

Well, I won’t defend that. Not now. Now ever. Because I am good at being a tom boy ;) And I like it. It’s a simple life – all I need is a pair of denims, a t-shirt and sports shoes. I hate shopping more than arbi and ghiya and do NOT understand make up and accessories. See – it is easy!

So anyway, my heart sinks every time I am told that there is a “you-know-what” around the corner that I need to attend. I am not joking; I get more tensed than I was even before my Business Studies board exam. Then my life gets divided into two distinct phases – Pre-prep, and the event! Pheww!!

STAGE I : PRE-PREP

Mum (In hyperactive mode): You have NO clothes, what are you going to wear? You don’t have ANYTHING presentable! Blah blah blah! *Fully panic stricken*. What I hate in this whole thing – the SUITS! I JUST cannot handle suits!!! Those over flowing chunnis, the open hair, the works. Then the makeup I’m forced to do. Items I don’t even know the names of are put on my face to make me look PRESENTABLE! *Bugs is thoroughly annoyed even at the thought*!

So, somehow, the clothes are organized, some last minute shopping (yuck!) is done and gotten over with! So much tension, and the function hasn’t even BEGUN! :S

Now the more difficult part,

STAGE II : THE EVENT

In a constant process of mental preparation, Bugs reminds me that there are four functions on four consecutive WORKING days of the week, in some remote corner of the OTHER side of Delhi. :/

Okay, Day 1 : *meeting people you see once every year on a function just like this, and not even knowing what relation you have with them!* The easiest thing to do – “Namaste ji”. JI is my favorite word on days like this – age no bar, caste no bar, gender no bar! No tension. Everybody is ‘ji’. You don’t have to know HOW you know them. They might by your mom’s cousin’s masi’s grandson’s wife twice removed. But they are JI. Period.

Next, the more difficult thing to do : have a conversation.

One farfetched relative, the twice removed type: Arreeeyyyy betaaa, kitne bade ho gaye hooo?

Depending on what stage of life you are in its either “Boards kaise hue?? Result kaisa tha?” or “Kaunsa college mein admission mili?” or “Kahan naukri kar rahe ho?” or jus the good old “Haaaiiii, bachche kitne bade ho gaye naaa? Pichli baari yeh itni si thi, godi me aa jati thi!”

Bugs to himself : Ya, aunty JI! What did you expect, I’d still be 2 years old?? Hmph!

Somehow, sitting on a table somewhere in the ocean of people , listening to the ‘elders’ discussing ‘life’ in the past one year that they’ve not seen each other, day 1 ends.

And am I glad!

Day 2: Now things get tougher. Since ‘life’ has already been discussed on the previous day, your eyes croon for the snacks. Fake smiles on your faces, andar hi andar, you’re praying to God, “Hey bhagwaan, I’m famished. Bhej do kisiko!” And suddenly, your hopes brighten. The waiter comes to your table, and lowers his tray. You look at the lamb and want to slap him, “Nahi, Vegetarian bhejna!” In the mean time, the ‘elders’ are now discussing what each of them are wearing. (Isn’t that their favorite topic! *rolling eyes*) “Oh! Maine toh yeh saree Guddu ki maami se banvaayi thi!” (Like I’m dying to know :S)

Okay, THEN comes Day 3: Ab toh, limit! The ‘ghar-walas’ organize a performance. Hmph! So first the Sisters with dance, then the Bhabhis, the Devars, the works! Oh! How can one forget the parents and parents-in-law. And then the one senti song. Babul ghar jaana type. Arrrggghhh! And Bugs thinks – “OKAYYYY! Get me the food man!”

Day 4: Irritation rising. Fourth CONSECUTIVE night of dressing up. Another function, another suit. Hmph! (No! I’d faint if you even MENITIONED a saree to me!)

Door Door tak conversation karne ke liye nahi hai! Food is the same as the past three days, and now the mothers, aunties, chachis and mamis are discussing the clothes of the bride and groom! WHAT a change! Okay, so today is the wedding day. The Groom’s side is going berserk dancing and the hotel staff really can’t do anything about the noise levels.  So, Bride and Groom sit there, stuffed till the neck with all the motichur laddoos of the past one week. They are sick of smiling and Namaste-ing and taking the ashirwaad of the zillions of faces waiting to get themselves clicked with the couple. The bride wants to pee so badly but doesn’t dare think of first, walking to the end of the corridor in her 30kgs lehenga, and THEN peeing. Nope! She’d rather sit there, for the next 4 hours and smile even more! So that’s what happens. The mahoorat ka time comes and goes. The guests eat and go. The in-laws keep the cash they like to call “shagun”. The bride and groom are too dead to do anything, and THEN, the pandit says, “dulhe dulhan ko bulaiye, pheron ka waqt ho gaya”

Now, at 4.22am and 47 seconds, the bride and groom are shifted to the mandap area, where the pandit ji’s two minutes of fame start. He rattles of mantras in shudh Sanskrit which no one except he himself understands. Whenever he says ‘swaha’ the couple throws whatever they have in their hands into the fire. And finally, at 6 O’ clock in the morning, the in-laws are woken up and told that the ceremony is over. The couple can now officially be called ‘Husband and Wife’.

Hmm, so the wedding that was scheduled for 14^th of March, actually takes place on the 15^th and the Bride and Groom reach home crying for sleep.

And now, even Red Bull won’t work! :P

The Great Indian Traffic Tamasha!

Okay, so you guessed it right! Here I am on a Friday morning, dreaming of a blissful work-free weekend ahead and then... comes the traffic.

So, it’s the usual rush hour jam faced by every Indian – but the only thing worth mentioning here is that the rush hour kind of goes on from 8.30am till midnight in this place called Gud-gawaan!

Hmm..I sit there, right in the middle of a sea of vehicles, at first waiting patiently, and then worried.

Yeah! As usual my fuel tank is about to hit the dreaded ‘E’ and lucky me! Today like most other days, all I have is a fifty rupee note on me! (Not THAT way, you pervert!) :P

Theek hai, back to the point, like in every bollywood movie, the story is pretty much the same, so is the traffic scene in India.
Jab bhi aap late ho rahe ho, garmi ho, basically, all the shaneez and mangals and grehs are against you…then a car RIGHT in front of you will break down. And Voila! That’s what happened! The only difference was that in movies its normally the beautiful heroine who’s car it is, but THIS car I’m talking about had an old, clueless-about-the-next-step uncle jee as its driver! Pity the car!

Anyway! An hour goes by looking at that FIRST car a kilometer ahead, hoping it’ll move just an inch! Yeah, that’s the height of ‘ray-of-hope’. When you’re stuck in a never-ending jam – to see that ONE car wayyyy ahead move just a wee bit!

Nope, it doesn’t! Hmph!

Then…Something hilariously strange happens. Or so I thought..

People in India anyway honk as if it were their birth right! I’ve always wondered – just because the damn thing is ‘muft-muft-muft’, doesn’t really mean that’s ALL we do! :/

I am STILL standing in the sea of vehicles, and then the honking starts! First one guy, then another, then another..and the ENTIRE vehicle population goes CRAZY! Everyone around me is honking like mad-hatters! And as I watch in disbelief the only explanation I can come up with, is that: probably, it’s another “Bhartiya-Bonding” strategy. Maybe these people feel ‘One’ when they honk like this!

Maybe it’s a mass-all-India-honk-day which I don’t know about! :S

So, it’s like a mass-wave thing we’d do in a cricket stadium! But only, there’s no cricket and there’s no stadium! Just a stupid loooong line of cars and more cars ahead of me!
And then again, MJ playing in my car is drowned by the chorus that erupts! Maybe they’re thinking this ‘mass’ honking thing might just wake up the traffic guys! Now I’m getting irritated! I wish this “It’s-my car-horn-I’ll-do-what-I-want-with-it” got us somewhere.

Ironically, what’s playing or rather TRYING to play in my car, under the outside chorus is ‘This is it!’

Really? I think! :/

It’s been an hour and a half now! And it’s the fourth, no I’m sorry – it’s the fifth honk-all-you-can marathon under way! Maybe Archies ran out of their random brother-in-law and father-in-law days, so came up with a honk-day? Hmm..I’m sure they still haven’t covered all 365 days of the year! I mean, come on! How can there be a day left in the year that’s NOT actually a day? :O You know what I mean? I think Honk day is perfect.

And now… :/ it’s Taylor Swift being drowned in the sea of stagnancy…!...hmm…

Break free..

Over the past few months, a lot of things had happened that had changed her life. She had to face a lot. She was trying to cope. Trying to put up a brave face. Trying to show the world that everything was okay. Today, when she stops for a moment and thinks, she realizes what has happened. There are no tears left to shed. Just sadness - that engulfs her fully. Completely. She goes on with her day to day life. Does what she has to. But there is no emotion. No feeling to it. Today, she is emotionally spent. Today she needs a break. From Everything. For once, she wished to feel nothing.

All she wanted was to cry out. To take it all out once and for all. She was tired. Tired of feeling these feelings for so long. Tired of this sadness. For once, all she needed was freedom. From her thoughts, freedom from her emotions and freedom from what the society thinks. For once, she wanted to tell the world that she really didn't care. She needed to do this. AND, she needed a hug..

They call it the 'Island City-State', I call it the 'City of the Sorted' :)

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this piece of writing are the author’s personal and have been mentioned due to a special request from a close acquaintance. This piece of work is not edited for public viewing since it has NO adult content. Thus, there is no need for any parental guidance.

EEEHEEEHAHAHAHA *Ravana Special*.

Yaar main soch rahi thi ki every note that I write starts in almost the same way :P So just came up with something new ;) (EEEHEEEHAHAHAHA *echo in the background*)

TAKE 1
Those who know me are familiar with the fact that I am not a big one on travelling. I mean, I know people are crazy about it – travelling the world, seeing places, the seven wonders, the works! But frankly speaking (Not that I’ve been lying till now), I am as comfortable at home, watching TV as I am in London or New York or Bathinda for that matter. And travelling is one thing I just don’t get excited about. It’s not like I’m against it – but, it just doesn’t matter at all :/

Some of you might find that weird :P but I guess that’s who I am ;)

So, there is this one place I visited recently, my work took me there and it sort of changed my perception about travelling. I have always been a desi Indian at heart. I have never really wanted to leave India for any reason. That could also be one reason why my stint in London didn’t go off well. Anyway, so I reach this place after a 6 hour flight (which in itself gives me an out of the world experience altogether – I’ll write about that separately: really want to do justice to it!) and am famished as usual! :P Its 6pm their time and the only meal we have had is a croissant and coffee in the flight at 9am :S

Toh, we reach our hotel, our would-be home for the next one week and I am mesmerized by the hugeness of it! It’s not like the hotels there are superbly built or something. They are just HUGE in terms of height! And irrespective of how much space they have, they’ll try to do the best they can with it. We saw 4 hotels there and they were weirder in shape than some of the buildings here in sadda Gurgawaan! Our hotel was a 37 storey building and amazingly, it is one of the shorter buildings there.
Anyway, as the days went by, a few things really intrigued me there:

To begin with is the fact that if you ask a cab driver if he’ll take you to where you want to go ; a ‘yes’ is a ‘CAN CAN’, a ‘no’ is a ‘NO CAN CAN’ and a ‘maybe’ is a ‘CAN CAN ALSO, NO CAN CAN ALSO’ :p

Secondly, tourism and public transport is so bloody (excuse my language :P) organized there it’s not funny! But then, after having lived in India all my life, any place would seem more organized ;) (No offence, I love India as much as you do!) So, if the shuttle is due to arrive at 9.30am you better be there at the pickup point at 9.20! Because, if you’re a minute late, you’re going to be left behind :P

Thirdly, Every Indian food outlet there serves “PRATA and DHALL” which is a very VERY south Indian version of our Punjabi Naan and Dal! I think kadipatta and Arhar dal are very readily available there! :P
Next, it rains ALL THE TIME there :D :D :D :D and though it gets pretty humid, it rains man! :D And that’s enough ;)
Finally, it is just SO clean, it’s unbelievable! Even the vehicles there give out transparent smoke! :S Man! Hahaha! That was awesome!
Oh, PS: I saw the Hyundai i30 there! :D My humsafar, i10’s (who by the way is called OINK ;)) big brother *awww* :) Heppie ho gayi main!! :D
TOO THE COOL MAN!

In essence, I had never ever thought that a place would exist other than India where I could think of settling down, but apart from the constant smell of raw meat there (EVERYwhere!), I think, Singapore does it for me :D Somehow, I can’t pin point the exact reason, but amidst all the differences, the Indian ‘chaos’ and the dynamicity of it, I felt a strange connection between mera Bharat mahaan and this awesome place.

It’s just SO clean, well planned and CALM! So green! So fresh! Just so SORTED! I loved it! :D
I have been lucky enough to be pretty well travelled thanks to my parents, and have been to Singapore twice before as well, but this time it was different. This time I was mesmerized by the ‘City of the Sorted’ :D

CUT. OKAY.

Today..

There are some days when you’re down and out, at your lowest point emotionally and you just don’t know how to deal with it; but, there also those rare occasions, once in a while, when you are SO happy you don’t know how to deal with it! Today, it’s one of those days for me – the latter type! :P

These days I have been going through this phase of ‘Just-flow-with-life’. I have a set routine which I follow, bored with the monotony. And today started off just like that. I came to work, had a list of things to work on. THEN, halfway through the day – I freaked out! In a good way :P You know the feeling one gets when he/she gets through the first round of Indian Idol auditions or like, when all your friends have some or the other excuse to not meet you and then suddenly all of them turn up together to surprise you? :P ya ya! I have had that feeling too – the latter one :D

So basically, today started off quite lamely, if that’s even a word. And then I got this beautiful surprise that I had never even remotely thought of! Vaise toh, I’m myself a big one on giving surprises to people but I’m also quite blonde when people do things for me ;) Like, someone might be planning something for me right under my nose and I wouldn’t realize! But, today was different! And, what happened today made me realize exactly how much I am valued by some :D. Maybe not actually! I am still numb, so I can’t really imagine..

Its true – it takes a small gesture to make someone’s day. And, I hadn’t really recovered from one thing when a second was thrown at me.

These weren’t big things at all, but you know what I liked best? They were both intangible. It wasn’t anything you could touch or see. It was just a few words – through which I could feel a sense of magic. A bond that was taken to the next level. A level that has enriched a few relationships by a hundred fold! A connection that will never ever EVER fade. I believe in it. Today is a day of realizations. Today is a day of overwhelming emotions. Today is a day I want to cherish forever! Today is a happy day!

And today, all I can say is..

Its only words,

And words are all I have

To take your heart away…

A God sent tear..

She sat there, at the window. The breeze caressing her face lightly. She felt the calm, the silence – it spoke to her sometimes. It told her stories of the past – like a doting grandparent. Played them like a movie in front of her eyes. And every time she listened and watched intently mesmerized by her own life.

She had always been the curious sort. And impatient. Always wanted answers for everything. It seemed that she liked quizzing herself, challenging herself to hit the bull’s eye. But today was different. And today’s question wasn’t an ordinary one. She had pondered over it for the last 192 days, 13 hours and 18 minutes. That’s roughly a little more than 165,679,023 seconds. And, she was STILL confused.

She believed in God, had faith in Him and His powers. Some times. She never understood why He would make a person ‘go through’ pain to get some sort of ‘learning’ out of it. She never understood WHY life was just a vicious cycle of pain and learning. Today again she was stuck. Trying desperately like a helpless frog to jump out of the well. Confused by conflicting views and opinions. On the one hand, people said, some experiences are just so you learn. They come and go. On the other hand, it is said that if you want something really bad – you get it no matter what. You might have to wait an entire lifetime, but in the end, you’ll have it. She wished someone could tell her which logic applied to her. She needed some direction, a guiding hand in the darkness. Should she wait? Should she hope? They said hope is what kept the world going. But was there any point of all this? Today she could feel her faith loosen..

If God created everything and had all the answers, couldn’t He just let her know how her story ended? At least that way she wouldn’t have to keep waiting endlessly. No amount of pleading mattered anymore. She was tired. Of waiting for an answer. Helpless.
What was NOT different today was that; like every other day - all she had was a God sent tear...

Who I am doesn't matter

If you look around yourself today, what do you see?

What I see is a life moving SO fast that we seem to have lost control of it. Everybody is busy – with day to day life, work, entertainment, socializing, traveling, and after that, if there is any time left in the day – then some rest. No one has the time to stop. And think.

Who I am doesn’t matter. If there is one thing that DOES matter, it is that I come from the Millennium City – Gurgaon. And LIFE…moves so fast here, that you don’t realize when you pass out of school, get into college, graduate from college, get a job, quit that job and move into the next one.

Opportunities, achievements, success – that’s how people measure you, your life. That’s how YOU measure your own life. And why do we need all this? For a secure future, a comfortable lifestyle. We are supposed to be ‘focused’, set goals; work hard to ‘get there’. But amidst all this, do we stop and REFLECT?

If there is ONE thing in the world most people want, it is to be ‘Rich, Thin and Happy’. Everyone wants to live ‘comfortably’. Have ENOUGH. Really? How comfortable IS comfortable? How happy is happy after all? WHEN is it ‘enough’? Is there a way of measuring that?

When do we get to know that it is time to stop? To stop working our butts off. To RELAX. We are always running. Running to reach office in time, running to reach the meeting in time, running to buy flowers for our lady love! Running to go to the LOO!

We try our best – to take control. Yes, I say we try, because otherwise, marriages wouldn’t be falling apart, kids wouldn’t be getting out of hand, and students wouldn’t be committing suicide over school and college results. Pressure, Pressure, Pressure!

I ask you today – when was the last time you ENJOYED? Even I need to think. It takes a few moments, and I say – when I was a kid. It’s a shame – most of us last ENJOYED when we were kids – and that was a LONG time ago…

Many people have a desire – to be remembered in a certain way after they’re gone. Some want to be the good friend, philosopher and guide. Some, the good relative – a good father, brother, son. Some want to be remembered with WHAT they did – a noble man. A great citizen of the country. A great contributor, a visionary. I, and again I say, my name doesn’t matter – want to be remembered as one ‘who enjoyed’…

India is a PHUNNEE place I tell you! :)

Recently, at a so-to-speak family reunion, an interesting conversation took place. Sitting in the Drawing Room face-to-face wondering what to talk about, guess who came up with the topic :P
*TAKING A BOW* ;D

Well, Bugs (The voice in my head, remember?) has always found names very fascinating. Different types of names people keep in different corners of the globe. But, that day, Bugs felt like doing a bit of deep digging right here at home – Sadda India! :D

So, Bugs’ words in my voice:
(Please note that I am nowhere in the conversation ;D)

BUGS: It’s so funny sometimes, how people keep their children’s names. I mean like, don’t they THINK? (Please don’t take offence, Bugs gets a little..umm..bhaawuk at times :P)

RELATIVE 1: (No names to protect identity ;)) Yeah, it’s pretty funny. (This relative is a teacher) When I take attendance in class, I say “Taranpreet” expecting one of the boys to react, and there – a girl’s hand shoots up in the air!

BUGS: These names toh I anyway don’t understand. Matlab SERIOUSLY, World mein naam khatam ho gaye they kya?? Damapreet, Taranpreet, Gyandeep! All these Preets and Geets and Meets! It’s SO confusing!! You just can’t tell whether it’s a guy or a girl! It’s like match the following:
TARAN DEEP
DAMAN PREET
CHAMAN MEET
And there’s never a wrong answer!

RELATIVE 2 (Who happens to be wedded to my father): Yeah, Sikhs don’t discriminate among genders naa!! That’s why!

BUGS: Yeah, Mom! I believe you! *Rolling eyes*

RELATIVE 1: Oh! There is one kid, called KHUNKHAAR SINGH! Really! At first I thought everybody teased him with that name, but then his partner told me, “Ma’am, register mein dekho – yehi hai uska naam!”
*BUGS FAINTS*

RELATIVE 2: Oh my God! Parents sochte nahi hain kya!! KHUNKHAAR SINGH?? Hey bhagwaan!
Hearing the name again revives the little devil. Bugs can’t afford to miss another second of this conversation.
BUGS: Punjab is funny! *Gets a slap from me* every second person is either Baby or Chimpu Or Babbu or Guddu! And mind you, it’s again sex-no-bar! In my “Punjab Gang” there are 2 Ravi’s – one male one female. There are two Manu’s – one 23 years old, and one I don’t know how old. There are two Cherry’s – one in final year college and one – an aunty. I mean, HOW in the world is one poor brain supposed to know who is being talked about in which context!! Now THAT’S something!!
*I think to myself: Hey, Bugs is making sense for the first time ever..”
On a serious note (Just kidding), A few people who are somehow faintly acquainted with me are as follows:
There is a gentleman called GAURI whose brother’s name is KALI whose wife’s name is RAVI.
There is another gentleman whose name is Daisy whose cousin is BABY who is a lady.
There is a young lady called GUDDU and so is their local dhobi.
There is one more gentleman, who would actually kill me if he read this – his name turns out to be LUCY.
And, there is ANOTHER gentleman whose name is MADHUBALA! And I SWEAR to God, I’m NOT joking!
*Back to the present*

RELATIVE 3 pipes in there was this Scientist who named his children Electron and Proton!
ZOINK.

RELATIVE 1 (gets up to go to the kitchen) : Oh, ek ladka hai meri class mein – uska naam DIAMOND hai!

*Returns with a tray full of Mixed fruit juice* and everyone is on the floor, laughing like madmen…and women ;)!

India is a phunnee place I tell you! :)

I don't know what to call this..

There was a time not very long ago, when you were my life…
You were all I could see; I thought maybe one day I’ll be your wife.
You filled my life with joys and took away my sorrows.
You promised me you’ll stand by my side, today and tomorrow..
I couldn’t believe I had found someone so wonderful and caring.
I just wish you had been a wee bit more daring.

People say nobody is perfect. Oh yes! You definitely were.
Sometimes it seems like it was yesterday, and sometimes – such a blur.
I dreamt of you in every little dream, I dreamt of us till the end of time.
I wonder why the society just didn’t understand - is being in love such a crime?
We had our own little secret world then; Oh! It was real bliss!
Before you, I never knew what love was; now I know exactly what it is,

That smile on your face and glint in your eyes - then; they were so real..
Today you look at me with a hollow expression, and I can’t believe there’s nothing you feel.
I hoped to spend every waking moment with you,
You were the last person I wanted to wish goodnight, and the first I wanted to say good morning to

Now I look at you and I am at a loss of words; I can’t recognize this person
Are you the same being, who once wanted to spend all seven lives with me, and not just one?
I search your eyes to look for my life, my heart, my soul..
But your vacant expression leaves me numb, chills me to the core..

I still can’t believe such a relationship has come to an end..
People are telling me, the road is long and this is just a bend.
I don’t know what to say to them, how to show them what we used to be,
Maybe then they’ll know the bond we shared – was nothing but pure divinity.

There was a time not very long ago, when you were my life…
And I remember that moment all too well, when you asked me to be your wife…

The day even Shania Twain didn't help..

The music was playing, but she wasn’t listening. That didn’t happen too often, in fact it had never happened before. Music had always been a major part of her life. She seemed to connect with it in every mood. She always somehow discovered that one song that she felt was just meant for her.
Another reason that probably strengthened this affair with music was that she had always been a hopeless romantic. She still couldn’t figure out whether that was a good thing or not. But today, even Shania Twain couldn’t calm her senses.

It was seven years ago - sometimes it felt like another life, sometimes like it happened just yesterday. He had been pursuing her for over two years before she relented. She had never been in a relationship earlier, and her naïve innocent mind was too scared and insecure to have said yes any sooner. She was just overwhelmed at the fact that someone could do so much for her, give her so much, love her so much. She thought she loved him too. Maybe she did – for a while. Five years later, having gone through many many changes, some together, some separately – they were standing looking at each other with hurt, anger and frustration.

He had always loved her, it was more like obsession. But, she was more of the practical sort. Her future had always worried her. Especially with him. Now she felt, he was had always been like a child, not taking the important things seriously enough.

Even today she remembers that day clearly, when she first said it to herself – “This can’t go on. I need to break up with him”. She again went into that contemplating mode - weighing her options. And with every passing moment, her belief became stronger, her goal clearer. Whatever it was, wherever she was meant to be, it wasn’t with him. She had started feeling claustrophobic. She NEEDED to do this - for her own well being.

And she did. She had known it will be tough, but this tough – she hadn't the slightest clue. Suddenly, the entire world saw her as mean and selfish - even her closest friends. She felt a huge sense of guilt, trying to convince those who were once hers – that this wasn’t fully her fault. That she HAD to do this. Amidst all the fun and frolic she felt alone, betrayed by her own.

She missed him sometimes. Actually, she missed the feeling of being with someone rather than anything else. She felt a little less burdened for sure now. Under all that mess, she felt free – to do what she wanted, the way she wanted to.

That was seven long years ago - sometimes it felt like another life, sometimes like it happened just yesterday…

A perfectly normal Tuesday Morning

On a perfectly normal Tuesday morning, you wake up, mentally preparing yourself for four long days of work before the weekend, do the same things you do every day – bathe, get ready, have breakfast, leave half the milk /tea /coffee you are drinking because you are getting late, find the keys of the house /the car, forget something crucial, run back home, take whatever you’ve left behind and run off again.

Then, another series of inevitable events takes place – you check your watch and realize you will be late for your meeting, you have to get fuel on the way, the AC of your vehicle isn’t working, and in a worst case scenario – you have a flat tire. The new shoes you are wearing hurt your foot, you are having a bad hair day, you are making a mental note of all that you have to do after work – eggs need to be bought for breakfast tomorrow, you have to collect the clothes given for dry-cleaning, your wrist watch needs a new strap and your lens solution is over.

Half an hour in traffic, having cursed the motorcyclists, truck drivers and the unfortunate Maruti 800 that just refused to budge - you reach office, jump out and run into the building when you realize you have forgotten your lunch in the car. And then a mile long trip to the piping hot parking lot – grab your lunch and run back, hollering for the guys entering the lift to hold it for you. 30 seconds of impatience, and 10 faces crammed in a 1’x 1’ space, staring at the screen showing the floor you have reached. Trying to balance your laptop, purse and lunch bag you squeeze yourself out of the lift full of round paan eating government officials and reach your desk, throw all the stuff wherever you can and straighten yourself out. The routine ‘Good Mornings’ and ‘Hellos’ follow. You pull out the laptop and log onto facebook, THEN open your official mail, sign into gtalk, and NOW you’re all set…

…to BEGIN the day!

Why is it..

Some Whys in my perennially overactive brain...

Why is it that chocolate, ice cream and paranthas are not health food?
Why is it that we feel sleepier after having overslept?
Why is it that as soon as we start settling down in college, it finishes?
Why is it that it is always the woman has to change her name and go to the man’s house after marriage?
Why is it that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer all the time?
Why is it that the Death Toll in India is just a mere number and no one takes it seriously?
Why is it that people are extra focused on one aspect of their life, but just don’t care about the rest?
Why is it that people change?
Why is it that that they can rarely see what is going wrong with their life?
Why is it that whenever there is a mishap of some kind, there is always someone making a video instead of helping them out?
Why is it that film stars get surgeries done to impress the world and be accepted onscreen, and forget that they have to live with THEMSELVES forever, and after 10 years their noses will crumble into their hand?
Why is it we always realize the importance of someone only after they’re gone?
Why is it that everything in life is just a phase?
Why is it that Birbal was as intelligent as he was?
Why is it that people sometimes just stop making the effort?
Why is it that people never talk sense when they are angry?
Why is it that our generation is so restless and impatient?
Why is it that we are never satisfied with how much we have?
Why is it that our brains think 500 different things at the same time all the time?
Why is it that there is no sound when our heart breaks?
Why is it that the heart breaks at all?
Why is it that the “Healing” process is always the slowest one?
Why is it that there are no good indoor badminton courts in Gurgaon?
Why is it that there is ALWAYS a communication gap between two generations?
Why is it that there are so many family disputes over property after the eldest person passes away?
Why is it that people die?
Why is it that relationships hurt?
Why is it that when we are working or studying time crawls and when we are having fun, it flies?
Why is it that Nature soothes us and the heavy city traffic doesn't?
Why is it that everyone is always trying to portray that everything is okay?
Why is it that people drift apart?
Why is it that nothing is permanent?
Why is it that people grow fat?

Why is it that we can never just BE OKAY WITH everything?

Why is it that we always want answers for everything….?

The Journey of a Lifetime - to the Passport Office! :P

India is a bizarre country. And, I have solid justification for saying this.

DATE: 29th March 2010
PLACE: New Delhi

It is 7.35am and I reach the Passport Office.
MISSION: Passport Renewal through Tatkaal.
PRIOR EXPERIENCE: Nil.

I am aware that the gates open at 10.15am, and am happy to see that I'm one of the first 15 odd people to reach (Obvously DUHH! Its 7.30!). I have slept only for 4 hours the previous night, so obviously, I am in a state of hyperactivity :/

I stand in the line for about ten fifteen minutes wondering whether I am in the correct one. After all, Online Registration kari thi bhai! I walk around a bit, my paper work tightly clasped in my hands, as if, this is teh only thing a mugger would be interested in!

So, I ask a few people, who are as clueless as me. A guard pops out his head from behind the locked gates..

"Bhaiya, online submission ki line yehi hai na?"
"Haan ji! Yahin khade ho jaiye!"

Back to square one - a little more knowledgeable this time. 10 more minutes pass. I wonder why they hadn't mentioned 'PLEASE CARRY CAPS AND CHILLED WATER ALONG WITH YOUR DOCUMENTATION' on the website. A guy is making the rounds shouting "Matthi aur CHAAAAAIIIIIIII" "Matthi aur CHAAAAAIIIIIIII". I think to myself - Is he crazy??? Paani laa oh muurkh-janak!!

The Hotelier cum Marketing professional in me springs to life - All focus on 'Seasonal Business Opportunities' - What if they change their product offering every season? Matthi and Chai in Winters, Cold Water and Juice in the Summers, Umbrellas in the Rainy Season...

With all this conversation happening inside my brain, It is miraculously 8.08! Wow!! Time flies fast! Not to mention, I have already observed exactly what each person in the line is wearing, their facial expressions, who has shaved, who hasn't (Thats the trainer in me - stick to grooming standards man!), what kind of footwear people have put on. The last bit takes a while, when I see women wearing heels and waiting patiently for the gates to open.

The VELLA voice in my brain springs up again - "Did you think you were coming for a party madam?" "Or you thought you'll come and be ushered in within a second, and there you go! Your passport's done!"
I see them getting tired - looking for a place to sit and still be a part of the slowly growing line. "Haah!"
(Thats the voice in my head!) "I told ya! Aur pehno heels!" (Humph! *Smirking Cheeply*)

Ya, ya! The heat is killing me! I look at the 'Government Servants' line! "Idiots! What have they done to deserve the shade??" Helplessness sets in. The brain is trying to figure out a way to fight the heat.

Realization sets in - NO CHANCE!

The Accountant in me sets to work - "How much do you think they earn in a day?" (Thats the Voice talking again - Lets call it BUGS! :P) So, Bugs says - "How much do you think they earn in a day?"
And, replies to its own self - "Well, If they get about 500 applications a day, and even half are through tatkaal - they still make almost 9 Lakh rupees a day!" "And they can't spend 5000 bucks on a Sun Shade? RIDICULOUS!"

It is 9.30 and hopeful applicants are gathering like it is the final match of IPL. They act like we are invisible morons standing in a queue. They walk up to the guard at the gate and ask the "Bhaiya, Passport ke liye yahhan se...?"

Bugs, the voice is fuzzing up - getting irritated by the minute "YEAH NUT CASE! LOOK AT US! WE'VE BEEN HERE SINCE 7.30!! NOW MOVE YOUR ASS AND GO TO THE END OF THE LINE!"

They still stand there, hoping that the guard suddenly fails to see them anymore and they can keep standing right where they are.

They all have their excuses - "Bhaiya minor ke saath hain!" Bhaiya, SHO se baat kar lijiye!" "Arrey yaar, Hum toh saat baje se khade hain!"

A big bodied unshaven guard comes out form behind the gates as if He's just been disturbed from his beauty sleep! "Sirjeee! Sirjeee! Peechey jaaiye! Line Mein! Peechey Peechey! Sunaee nahi deta kya?? Main aapko bol raha hoon!" Every one of those stupid people standing at the gate like to believe that he's talking to the rest of the lot.
RESULT: None of them move. Now the guy starts pushing AND screaming his lungs out together. "LINE MEIN LAGO! LINE MEIN!"

Bugs starts talking again! - "He could sue the passport office for making him holler like that everyday! If they want everyone in a line, which IS how it should be anyway, haven't they heard of RAILINGS?? MAN! This is crazy!!!"

The sweet fragrance of my deodorant has changed into a not-so-nice smell. And so has everybody else's. Its not a very good place to be in at the moment, but there's still 12 minutes to go! Before my KISMAT KA TAALA opens! These are probably the SLOWEST EVER 12 minutes of my life!

I strike up a conversation with the guy in front of me. He tells me he has been coming here at least three days every week for the past four months! He says they seem to have lost his file and he's missed his entire 1st semester at the University of Wisconsin! They put him up at the top floor of the building, amidst 1 and a half lakh files and tell him to find his! My ears almost fall off! I thank god for everything I have :P

Tic Toc Tic Toc Tic Toc Tic Toc....

YES!! The gates are opened! People run in as if Amitabh Bachchan is waiting just to see them. I ask for the Online submission Counter and am very happy to discover that I am the first one. The guy goes through my papers and tells me in gibberish - "Iski aur iski photocopy kara ke lao" and throws my documents at me. My heart sinks! I ask him - "Photocopy kahaan se hogi?"
The idiot replies "Pata Nahi!" I want to slap the guy. I think about what would follow. And I hold myself back. He could reject my application!

I ask a few people and find out its behind the building. I know if I go out now, I'll have to stand at the end of the line OUTSIDE in the heat all over again. I want to cry. Then like Mentos says - Dimaag ki batti jalao, I remember something. My driver. The Saviour of my life. I call him and tell him to get the required papers photocopied while I wait inside.

20 minutes and 3 phone calls later, he reappears. I grab the papers and run inside.

And then..

There are 50 people ahead of me, behind me, and on every possible side! I want to kick myself on my bum but there is NO space! I stand - like a moron! Cursing myself! I look around. There are 12 counters out of which as many as TWO whole counters are for online forms! And on each side of EACH counter is a very simple message "KRIPAYA POOCHTAACH NA KAREIN! PLEASE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS!"

Oh my god!! They actually have that printed on boards??? Time to play the waiting game again. 20 minutes later - I haven't moved an inch and have counted that there are 14 planks jutting out of the ceiling! White handkerchiefs turn wet and yellow!
Sigh!

Its 11.30 when I reach the counter. Well, look at the positive side - Its at least still morning!

The idiot across the counter (With his top 2 shirt buttons open, a very visible hairy chest and paan in his mouth) asks me a few questions, ticks each piece of paper without even looking at it and puts a million stamps on them.

Again, gibberish! I figure he's telling me to get something signed from someone else in Hall 2. Bugs pipes up "Now where the hell is Hall 2?"

I ask people and end up standing in the wrong line again! Half an hour and 2 more signatures later, I am back at the earlier counter (somehow dhakka maar ke) and waiting breathlessly as the paan-chewing moron checks my papers for the third time! I get the feeling that I am sitting in a Maths exam, but accidentally prepared for German! He asks me for the money. I pass it to him.
I wait! I wait for the golden words!

And then he says it - "Passport Ikattees ko milega!"

I want to jump in the air and scream! I get the same feeling I got the day I discovered I passed in my Business Studies board paper! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Today is a BIG day in my life!

I call my driver and walk out. There is a guy at the gate "Bhaiya, Mujhe passport banwana hai, mujhe Delhi Secretariat se bheja hai!"

Bugs says, "Yeah Smart ass!! You're the only one who's come for a passport naa!"

I sit in my car and realize that:

A) I'm famished!
B) I need sleep DESPERATELY
C) I need to go to the loo NOW, and;
D) It is 12.38PM! TWELVE THIRTY EIGHT! My passport application submission (Mind you! It was only SUBMISSION!) took 5 hours and 3 minutes!

I reach home and as I faint-walk, my maid looks at me weirdly. I want to say something to her, but the vocal chords are just not working.

I think to myself "Oh Man! Aren't you lucky you don't have a passport!"

Hmmmm... *Tired Smile!* :)

Love - and its own little love affair!

For most people, their teenage and early twenties is when they experience love for the first time. Their first relationship, their first romance. That everlasting soft corner for that ‘Special Someone’. While some find their ‘true’ love and ‘forever-and-always’ soul mate the first time itself, there are a whole lot who go through their first heart breaks, which is more often than not a lesson for them in many ways. And so, even though, their first ‘Experiment’ with love might have been more out of curiosity than anything else, their next step into the world of romance is often a more informed and aware one.

It really depends on the situations we’ve faced, how our outlook towards relationships and this ‘fad’ called love shapes up. Different people would take different turns in life after these first ‘incidents’. Some might not want to get into a relationship again, some may go on a guilt trip, a few might turn to self-pity and a long lasting session of ‘tears-on-the-pillow’ and, others may go for bitterness, revenge or blame. There might be just a handful who actually move on. And, I’m afraid I haven’t reached that stage yet.

But, it is actually the ‘second’ stint at this risky game which really shows what we’ve learnt from the previous one. I call it a risky game because like LIFE, there is no guarantee for love – No sure shot formula, no cheat codes. And, even though we may not have a choice when it comes to being born, falling in love is definitely a more conscious option. What is sad is that, sometimes people do not make the ‘right’ choices the second and the next and the next time too.. And, yet again, I fall into that category.

After I-don’t-know-how-many-hund

reds-and-thousands of years too, love is even now, such a vague term. It is STILL, beyond doubt, unexplainable. People are still as, or maybe more curious, now than ever, to find out the ‘secret’, the ‘right’ recipe to it. And in the process of trying to discover the surreptitious thing, lose their path somewhere down the road.. There are so many of us, blinded by this fantasy called love, trying to touch that bubble of ‘happily ever after’ and not make it burst. Trying so hard to unravel this unsolvable mystery that, in the process, we forget that the PERSON we are dreaming these dreams with is not the Mr./Ms.Right at all. We don’t realize that we are just trying to force a square peg into a round hole. And that never works. We know it sub-consciously! Oh yes, we do! We just find it more convenient to live with that flight of our imagination rather than the crude reality.

They say, when you are in love you do crazy things. I agree, a hundred percent. But, I think to get out of it, and ‘DEAL with the past’ you do crazier things :)..and there is no justification for it. Because, in the end – Love has its own love affair with insanity. And THIS, unlike the rest, is a bond forever. The ‘Fevicol-ka-mazboot-jod-ha

i’ type. Love and insanity, in whatever form, will always go hand-in-hand, no matter what. The only catch here is that our naïve hearts only see the ‘love’ effect, whereas insanity comes in as wild card entry mid way… :)

Hmm..I guess this is the only game in the world, that is bound by NO rules..

I thought we were perfect..

There was a time when I didn’t know what love was..
Then you came along..

I don’t know how it happened, it just did..
All of it started to come true, what I’d dreamt of as a kid..
Your beautiful eyes showed the zing I had never witnessed before
Your smile made my day, your hug bettered everything,

You solved every problem, had a way out of every difficulty
You ensured there was no guilt, no blame, no self-pity
You made sure I ate well and was well rested,
I wish I’d known then, that I was just being tested..

I trusted you blindly, gave you the ropes of my life,
You handled them well, but only for a while..
I didn’t ask for too much, just you till the end of time
And you said to me, you’ll leave me ‘never ever..forever’..that was your constant chime

I truly believed you, now I think, I shouldn’t have
After all that happened, I think it was too much I gave..
I really thought you would have stuck to your word, to all that you’d said
I don’t know what they meant, all those promises you made..

It is sad to think, such a beautiful relationship fell flat
I just wish you had the guts you always lacked!
Now you’re gone, happy with someone else,
I don’t know what to say, I am still numb..
But mostly, I feel naked, wounded and dumb!

There are just so many memories; I don’t know what to do with them
Every turn I take, everywhere I go, I am reminded of you
What didn’t I do for you, I put so much at stake,
I fought with so many, but, you just let my heart break..

Now, what is left is only hurt and scars..
I have begun to believe that love is a farce..
How wrong I was, now I reflect..
Because, for a time I actually thought we were perfect..